The Devil Still Has My Lawnmower & Other Tales of the Weird Read online

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  Father went to work the next day. He thought idly about the strange incident with the 8-ball and Ouija board, but the incident involving his son and daughter didn't seem as odd, looking at it from the perspective of the next day. Perhaps he just needed a bit of time to clear his head.

  When he got to his office, though, he could tell that something was wrong. There seemed to be far more miserable faces than usual. People were shouldering past him loaded down with boxes. Moods and temperaments were sharp and irritable.

  One of his fellow co-workers approached him. “Sorry Murray,” he said. “We just found out about this today.”

  “Found out about what?” said Father as two more co-workers filed past him with boxes.

  “The company's out of business,” said co-worker. “Turns out this place was funded entirely by broken promises and credit default swaps. Classic Goldman Sachs situation. Our CEO just happened to be in the Cayman Islands at the time of bankruptcy, what are the odds?”

  “What?” said Father. “Are you kidding?”

  “Nope,” said co-worker. “It's a tragic loss, I know, but there's nothing we can do about it. Now, you better get to your office before somebody sacks it.”

  “Tragic loss...” Father repeated.

  “What?” said co-worker.

  “Nothing,” said Father. “Just something my son said to me.”

  Mother, meanwhile, was having a much less stressful time of things, at least for now. The patients she had seen that day were friendly and cooperative, very much unlike the foul-mouthed alcoholics she was used to dealing with at the hospital. She only had about two semesters left in the nursing program before she could move on to the next phase in her education, which meant she still had a fair share of drunks in her future.

  She was about to take a small break, when one of the doctors pulled her aside. “Can I talk to you for a bit, Mary?” he said.

  “Sure, Tom,” said Mother. She finished washing up her hands and joined the doctor. He led her down the hallway and into a small office. They both sat down, Tom at his desk, Mother in a large leather chair opposite the desk. “Did you hear about how I'm going to be starting my own private practice, soon?” said Tom.

  Mother was visibly moved by this news. “No!” she said. “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” said Tom. “It's been a long hard road, but hopefully all my work will pull off.”

  “That's great,” said Mother. “What did you need to see me for?”

  Tom got up out of his seat. “I'll need some nurses for my practice, of course,” he said as he slowly walked toward Mother's chair. “I was thinking of putting an ad in the paper, but I'd rather go with people I know.”

  Mother didn't know what to do. “Well,” she said. “I don't think the nursing program will allow me to work a private practice just yet. I think I need to be at a hospital.”

  Tom smiled. He sat down on the arm of Mother's chair, crossing his legs and staring down into her eyes. His smile was a little too warm for Mother's comfort. “Nonsense,” he said. “I'm sure we can work something out with the University.” He reached out a hand and gently brushed Mother's cheek. “There are benefits to working with me, you know.”

  Mother's demeanor changed from intrigue to alarm. She sprang up out of her chair. “Um, thank you Tom, but I'm married.”

  Tom did not flinch. He did not even leave the arm rest. “So?” he asked. “That's never stopped me before.”

  Without another word, Mother sprinted out the door. Visions of that Ouija board flashed across her mind as she pulled out her phone, dialing her husband. He answered on the second ring. “Murray?” she said. “Can we talk?”

  Father didn't answer for a few seconds. “Did something happen?” he said.

  “Are you all right?” Mother asked.

  “Yes. I'm fine.”

  “No tragic loss?”

  “Now,” said Father nervously, “What makes you use those exact words?”

  “Because I just had to be wary of a tainted offer from someone I know,” said Mother.

  “Shit,” said Father. “Well. My company just went out of business. I lost my job.”

  Mother didn't say anything for a few minutes. “I think we should go check on the kids.”

  “Well,” said Father, “I'm not doing anything right now. I'll meet you at home.”